It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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