I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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