Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Come on in and take your pants off
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