blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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