nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
