I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
