Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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