I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
