my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
