Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
