I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry about my life...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
