I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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