I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
