My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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