you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
