sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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