I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
