alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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