WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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