Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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