Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
