Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
