you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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