omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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