Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
