i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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