if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
