I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
