so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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