she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
