When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you would pick up someone in the library
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize