New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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