No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
