How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
