Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
