Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
