I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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