Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
