Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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