Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dignity is for republicans.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
