he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
