So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
