ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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