we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
