How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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