My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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