Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
