Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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