i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
