NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
