This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
