The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i think i just lost a toe
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
