yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize