You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
