Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
