I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
