Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
