Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize