If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
