we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
