Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
