shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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