Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
