Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
