Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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