So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
